Miracle of Rescue
I woke up in a hospital room in Formia, South Italy, to hear a voice exclaim: “She is waking up! She will live!” And other voices answered her, “Bravo! Bravo! Thank G-d!” As I regained my senses the women in the room related to me the story of my rescue:
The woman who came every Wednesday to clean the building where I had hid happened to come at dawn Tuesday, the night of my suicide attempt. On Wednesday she was going to a family wedding. The occupants of the building were retirees and bar girls who customarily rose late in the morning. She came together with her little son, who found me laying at the bottom of the long marble staircase. I was covered with bruises from the fall. She ran to the restaurant owner next door, and he called the ambulance. While they attended to me, the little boy found my suitcase in a niche of the house, the empty glass of water and the two bottles of sleeping pills. Then they rushed me to the hospital. A woman whom I had once helped, happened to be in the hospital and identified me. She told the others about me and they organized a watch, to keep vigil at my bed. Thus it was that she sat at the footend of my bed when I awoke, and all the women on that hospital floor rejoiced at my recovery.
I marvel exceedingly at this rescue account. It was humanly impossible to have survived 78 prescription sleeping pills while hid away in a niche of that old house. Yet I was found at the bottom of the staircase. How did I get there? I had passed out while sitting on my suitcase. In later years I became convinced that an angel removed me from that niche in order to be discovered in time. Unconscious, I fell down the marble stairs. However, not a single bone was broken.
Time was of the essence. So G-d arranged for this cleaning woman to come at dawn on the night of my attempted suicide, and for the restaurant owner to tarry over his accounting books. G-d provided the young woman in the hospital who not only identified me, but who aroused the compassion of that whole hospital floor, so that they watched for every little sign of life I might give.
This was not the first time that I had attempted suicide. I was sixteen when a “spontaneous” attempt from a train had been frustrated by a man popping up out of nowhere. I have no idea from where he came. My first “planned” attempt was amateurish and therefore did not succeed. My next try saw me meticulously cut my wrist several times in the right place. A fountain of blood gushed forth — and then dried into a crust right under my eyes. A merciful G-d intervened again to save my life. The third time I left nothing to chance. I ensured this attempt would succeed.
I did not reckon, however, with G-d. I knew not the Scriptures which declared: “I sinned, and perverted what was right, and it was not requited to me. He has redeemed my soul from going down into the Pit, and my life shall see the light. Behold, G-d does all these things twice, three times, with a man, to bring back his soul from the Pit, that he may see the light of life (or, “to be lighted with the light of life” (Job 33:27-30).
It took near death to make me turn toward Him. A faint light in my dark tunnel began to glimmer after my rescue from sure death. I have often pondered those three days of hanging in the twilight zone. Where was I? What did my soul encounter that caused me to search for Him with such zeal? Still, a yearning for love gave me no peace for yet another year until, in desperation, I finally called out to G-d and began to seek Him most earnestly.
I dusted off my German Bible I had received from a German Lutheran Pastor, one of three lone Christians who had shown me a little of G-d’s kindness and compassion. His name is forever etched into my memory. I, an atheist, had never asked myself though, why on earth I kept carrying this Bible with me from place to place? I now sat down to read, starting with Genesis – Torah – my first step into a brand new world… G-d’s world.
I did not as yet realize the power of the Word and I could not grasp that this was a map, a blue-print that led to G-d and to the knowledge of Him; that it directed toward the Light and the Love, the Purpose and the Destiny I so desperately sought for all my life. As I read, His Word penetrated me and brought forth my very first vision of the night.
Vision of the Beloved
I stood on a dirt road. To the left were soldiers with guns, a sea visible behind them. They urged the people who came running toward them to hurry. The uniforms of the soldiers looked like those of the Israelis, and the land like Israel. While the people rushed by me, they shouted, “Quick! Run! Flee to the mountains! The enemy is coming!” But I was very calm and unafraid and answered, “I do not fear him. The Lord is my stay.” The people were rushing on.
Suddenly the enemy approached on the road following after the people. His appearance was most strange. He was a man of giant stature, but his body from the waist up and his head were hid under the torso of a fierce horse (a symbol typical of warrior). He ran toward me when unexpectedly a big, black wave swept over me and threw me to the ground.
I thought I was dead. Instead the black wave was gone and I laid alive on the road. But not alone. Someone hovered over me, shielding me with his body. Fear surged into my heart. Then he arose. I beheld another rather strange individual. He was a tall man in a long white robe, with a golden, twisted cord wound around his waist — and a white veil covering his head and face1.
He took me by the hand and led me to some ancient ruins2 along the side of the road. He sat down and motioned me to do likewise. Then he lifted the veil from off his head and said: “Do not ask my name now and where I come from.” The moment I saw his face all my life, all my blood seemed to rush to my heart and I exclaimed: “I don’t need to ask! I know who you are! You are the One I have always loved!” I immediately recognized his face as the one that I had always known, the image which had been hid in my innermost recesses. The moment I beheld it I knew it to be the face of my only true Beloved. I have never seen a face to equal his, such beauty and strength, and love3.
He held me in His arms, when suddenly he began to grow. Taller and taller he grew, until he seemed to fill heaven and earth and I was just a tiny speck at his bosom.
Suddenly, seemingly disconnected, I found myself sitting next to him in a “jeep”-like chariot4. We were riding on a road above the earth. He stopped and silently pointed downwards. The earth was enveloped in blackness5, yet my eyes were able to penetrate it. I saw such horrors that until today I cannot describe them. People begged one another to kill each other6. Others sought to inflict a most horrible death upon themselves to make atonement. I only can exclaim together with the angel:
“Woe, woe, woe to those who dwell on the earth at the blasts of the other trumpets which the three angels are about to blow,” and exhort everyone again and again to read the prophets and the Book of Revelation.
After I had seen these horrors for which I have no words to describe, my Beloved turned his jeep-chariot around and we rode toward a light which got brighter and bigger as we approached. We rode into the light, which resembled a fire blazing in rainbow colors, and yet did not burn us, and then I woke up.
1 2 Cor. 3:14-16; Ex 34:34-35 2 Psalm 74:3 3 Psalm 45:2; Ca 5:10-16 4 Canticles 6:12 5 Revelation 9:1; 16:10-11 6 Revelation 9:6
Mortal Combat of Soul
About a week later, at home, I was reading the account of Sodom and Gomorrah. Suddenly a light as bright, brilliant and unexpected as a lightning bolt flashed inside of me and illuminated a landscape. I have been once in a storm in the middle of a pitch black night, where I could not even see the hand before my eyes, so dark was that night. But fierce, terrible lightning bolts would flash frequently, and in their brilliant light every detail of the landscape became clearly visible. Just so it was with this inner lightning bolt and landscape. And as I stared at this landscape, I understood that it represented my life.
I beheld a terrible wasteland. The ground was stone dry, with cracks running through it from exceeding dryness, like after a long, severe drought. The ground was also strewn with rocks. And there were trees, dead trees. They looked as if a scourge had gone through and burned them into blackened stumps. Their stalky branches stretched ghostly black fingers into an exceedingly gloomy sky of brooding clouds hanging over that wasteland.
My heart contracted with fear and horrorfrom that sight, when suddenly the figure of a man appeared in it. He gazed at me silently, his eyes beckoning. His gaze made my heart burn. Immediately I recognized the face — it was he whom I had always loved!
Slowly he lifted his arms, stretching them out toward me as a beckoning, loving father does toward his toddler. Then I saw his hands… There were marks in his hands… A deep, long, dark mark, beginning at the height of the thumb ball to the onset of the wrist, disfigured each hand. Instantly unspeakable anguish struck my heart with a blow so painful I have never experienced again, erupting in a long, terrible wail: “J-e-s-u-s!” Now I knew His Name, and where He came from!
I dropped to the floor like a felled tree. I clutched the floor, seeking His feet and cried, again and again: “Jesus, forgive me!!! Jesus, forgive me!!!” I wound myself on the floor in torment, creating puddles with my tears, continuously begging forgiveness: I had blasphemed His Name. I had used it for cursing. I had tried to prove to anyone who cared to listen, that He was an impostor.
My heart almost broke under the impact of the realization, that He Whose Name I had used for cursing was the One I had always loved — my Messiah, my Redeemer, the Promised One of Israel.
For three whole days I wept and cried. As my comprehension of Who the Beloved is became denser, the anguish intensified… and expanded. He was OUR Messiah! And yet the Gentiles had transformed Him and made Him unrecognizable for us. For almost two millennia we were cheated out of G-d’s salvation, and instead were counted as sheep for the slaughter8. And my people and I merged, they into me and I into them – as ONE – all the way back into the loins of Abraham, and united we mourned as is written in Zechariah 12:10-14:
“… when they look on Him Whom they have pierced, they shall mourn for Him as one mourns for an only child, and weep bitterly over Him as one weeps over a firstborn. On that day the mourning in Jerusalem will be as great as the mourning for Hadad’rimmon in the plain of Meggiddo. The land shall mourn, each family by itself; the family of the House of David by itself, and their wives by themselves; the family of the house of Nathan by itself and their wives by themselves; the family of the house of Levi by itself, and their wives by themselves; the family of the Shimeites by itself, and their wives by themselves; and all the families that are left, each by itself, and their wives by themselves.”
None others than Jews can appreciate the extent of this mourning. For no one has suffered as we have for the sake of Him Whom they (the Roman soldiers) have pierced, at the hands of those who usurped Israel rather than becoming her fellow citizens9.
But this anguish was not all. Satan repeatedly accused me of having committed too many sins, and that I was too grievous a sinner to be saved. I was beyond all help, even for Jesus. Thus, for three days I fought a mortal battle for my soul. In utter desperation I cried out at last: “Jesus! Help me!”
Instantly the inner upheaval was hushed like the tossing waves of the sea. A wonderful calm flooded me instead10. I lifted my head. Suddenly someone turned the lights on, because everything got bright.
Yet no one was there but me.
I rose from my knees, when suddenly another sensation so sweet, so unspeakably wonderful flooded me that I was right back on my knees, again tears welling into my eyes. My whole being, every molecule of me it seemed, was being penetrated, or “rinsed”, by a feeling of love unlike any feeling I had ever known. I realized with a jolt that this was the love I had yearned for all my life.
“It is You, Who is this love!” I exclaimed. “My G-d, why did no one ever tell me?!” Once more I wept and mourned, but of a different kind of sorrow. And again, I did not know the Scriptures which declare: “G-d IS Love!”13
From that day on I was the Lord’s. I live and move and have my being only in Him14. I rise in the morning and strive and labor only for Him. I was dead in body, He gave me life. I was dead in spirit, He gave me new life in Him. I had no hope, He became my hope. I was in darkness, He became my Light. I was weak, He became my Strength. I had nothing, He became my Everything. He has become all things to me and I know intimately His Name I AM.
8 Psalm 44:22 12 Job 33:30 9 Ephesians 2:19 13 1 John 4:8 10 Ps 107:28-29; Mtt 14:39 14 Acts 17:28 11 John 1:9
A Jewish Princess in Post Nazi Germany
The way that led to my salvation was a long and painful one: from riches to rags; from being the apple of my family’s eyes to being familyless; from a noble and honored home to displacement and homelessness. My way led me to search out the height and the depth, across borders, nationalities and races. I searched for the G-d Whom I did not want to know or believe in, because I thought He was responsible for the Holocaust. He kept me and watched over me until I reached a point even He could no longer comfort me — the pit of an atheist’s despair without G-d.
I was born into a beautiful home in Breslau, capital of Upper Silesia, Germany. My first memories, however, are those of a small attic room over a blacksmith in a village in South Bavaria. In-between those two abodes was a displaced persons camp, and strange and miraculous happenings which kept us alive and safe.
My most cherished childhood memories are connected with this attic room. Afterwards, bitter loneliness and many hurts. My mother almost died from the consequences of eclampsia (a disorder occurring late in pregnancy) and negligence of the doctor; my beloved baby brother died from those same consequences when I was five. My parents divorced when I was six.
From that time on I was mercilessly exposed to the Jew-hatred the Nazis had fanned. The Allies’ denazification program of Germany was not able to undo it. To live as the lone child of the only Jewish and moreover divorced woman, in a village of catholic bigots and ex-Nazis, spelled hell for many years. My life in school was one of frequent humiliations and name-callings, ambushes, lies, slanders and vicious rumors about my mother and me. My mother was trapped in a trauma of fear, the ghosts of the Holocaust hunting her, incapacitated to deal with the reality of our Jewish heritage and its demands. Her exile neurosis left me groping alone in the dark, intensifying the harshness of my every-day reality, plunging me into deep depression.
Only sporadically did happiness shine – at Christmas and summer vacations. During the Christmas season everything and everybody suddenly turned lovely and loving, happy and kind, so that even this Jewish child received some measure of love. And summer vacations brought families of doctors, lawyers and other upper middle-class to the village, who took pleasure in me and allowed their children to play with me. They were the only real friends I ever had in that village.
As the years passed I learned to defend myself against the vicious attacks and slanderous lies. But I was alone; no one was by my side.
The Bible, Torah and Israel
The Bible and I became inseparable. Wherever I went I took her with me. I had lost so much precious time. When I finally encountered my Messiah I was already thirty, with no time to lose. But where I lived was neither a rabbi nor a pastor to teach me. Thus the Lord Himself taught me. At first He illustrated the Scriptures to me with visions of the night, putting the written Word into pictures which communicated its meaning15. Since G-d had shown Himself so merciful toward me, I wanted now to lead the life of a righteous Jew, observing the Law of Moses as closely as I could.
I failed miserably and constantly begged G-d for forgiveness until, I believe, He had enough of it. Thankfully, He sent Abraham in three consecutive night visions to teach me the foundations and basic doctrine of salvation16.
In October 1974 we left Italy, our home for 4 years, for the United States, and in May 1976 I was baptized with the Holy Spirit and with fire17. In August of that same year the Lord began to speak to me about Israel. He reminded me of my natural origins and instructed me to return to my people and my heritage. I didn’t know of any other Jewish believers and I still knew my Messiah only by His Gentile Name, ‘Jesus’; until the day that the Father Himself within a word of prophetic instructions said, “For it is Yeshua in your midst – I Myself have named Him ‘Salvation’ – to Whom she shall give birth in your hearts on the day of her pangs.”
From then on He dealt with me on a regular basis regarding my Jewishness and my people.
These dealings of the Lord with Israel and her destiny; with Yeshua’s and my Jewishness; with my family and my mission, had a powerful effect upon what had been laying dormant. Patiently He put together the pieces of a large puzzle. He gave the voices of my blood a name. He restored and built up what had been torn down. He illuminated the bewilderment and constant sense of urgency throughout my childhood. Now all fell into place. Under His gentle guidance, the bewilderment of my youth was drawn out of the deep shadows into the light of comprehension.
He revealed to me His undying, incomparable love and yearning for His people Israel. He made me a partaker, or “burden-bearer,” of this love. A plan and purpose emerged which He had prepared for me from my mother’s womb18. It all had to do with the restoration and inheritance of the House of Israel and of my own house, and the involvement of the Gentiles. It was time to deal with the incomprehensible enormity of the Holocaust. It was time to open the “Pandora” box inside of me, and let G-d deal with its demons.
15 I was accustomed to paying close attention to dreams. It was a sure avenue of instruction. 16 To relate them here would take too much space and time, but it set matters straight for me right from the start. If you are interested in knowing those three visions, click on Three Visions, the title of which is “The Way of Righteousness” 17 Matthew 3:11 18 Gal. 1:15; Isaiah 49:1
A New, Sovereign Jew
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?”19
A most remarkable thing occurred: first, the suffering of my people became my suffering, and my own personal suffering joined theirs. Suddenly, awesomely, I was painfully aware of the callousness of men and their apathy as Christian and other nations stood passively by while we were annihilated under their very eyes. The enormity of this realization prompted fierce indignation to rise up in me.
A new Jew emerged. This “new” Jew no longer apologizes for his identity nor is silent about it but rather happily asserts it. I was no longer just a Jew thankful for being “tolerated” in the goyim’s land. Nor was I merely a survivor, but a Jew who was grateful for my birthright, a gift from G-d that needed no apology.
A reawakened, distinct Jewish identity — old, yet new — leaped across the space of 2,000 years and connected my identity with that of our people before the great dispersion, before the consciousness of national sovereignty was obliterated — the sovereign Jew. Like two severed wire-ends the old and the new identity were reconnected, creating an uninterrupted memory of Jewish sovereignty within my consciousness, in a instantaneous fulfillment of Isaiah 54:4:
“… for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.”
In the twinkling of an eye I ceased to be a “galut” Jew. My neck was loosed from the bonds of captivity with which the Gentiles had bound us and bent us. I stood cleansed from all their mire, the lies and accusations20. I, a sovereign Jew, stood ready to claim the heritage of my birthright. Not only was this my right, but I owed it to G-d and to my people, to my family and myself to walk in fulfillment of our national, and personal destinies.
Neither Spain, nor Holland, nor Germany, nor any nation among whom my family had lived could claim my loyalty. No longer was I a German first, or an American first, and only secondly, by sheer misfortune, also a Jew. When Zion laid in ruins we owed loyalty and faithful service to the people among whom we lived in exile. Now that Israel stands anew our loyalty is toward the restoration and defense of her land and people, the Ingathering and the fulfillment of our destiny.
This is the work of G-d – Whose Spirit imparted this sovereign identity in our consciousness – Who alone could span 2,000 years of exile as if they had never been21. He has not performed this miracle in the consciousness of most Gentiles. He has not skipped the Jewish exile in their memory.
The promise of Israel’s restoration is unconditional. The promise of the Gentiles’ inclusion in the commonwealth of Israel is not. Since the rebirth of the Jewish nation it is largely dependent upon their attitude toward and their treatment of Israel.
For it is utterly impossible to love the King but hate His people; and to give His own Land and City for a possession to those who hate both Him and His people.
19 Isaiah 43:18-19 20 Isaiah 52:2 21 Zechariah 10:6
A Sign, a Herald and a Mother
For seven years I sat at “the feet” of Yeshua. He taught me by way of Scripture, revelation and visions. During times of prayer He opened the eyes of my understanding, and instructed me in regard to my mission. It pleased Him to clothe me with authority and to entrust me with a prophetic ministry, through the laying on of hands and prophetic utterance in the presence of my husband and before many witnesses. I hold this authority and ministry in all humility, not for show nor for personal gain. This call of G-d was received by this humble earthen vessel to serve His interests only.
I am now “a polished arrow in His quiver”22, waiting to be placed on His bow, that He may aim and shoot me right toward the mark He predestined for me long ago.
As the Jewish national soul has been shaped by memories of repeated suffering throughout two millennia of exile, so was my life and soul shaped by years of relentless anti-Semitism.
My mother’s inability to face this demon almost cost me my life at the age of thirteen. Despair and hopelessness simply seemed to overwhelm me until a caring lady, who recognized my deep despair, found us a home in a nearby town. The tendency to suicide became a steady companion of mine. My lifeline was a most fragile one, made even more so by a severe lack of love and self-esteem. But despite my emotional fragility strengths developed also: I learned to face confrontations and courageously speak up and fight injustice. I did not retreat from human relations but became a defender of the helpless, defenseless and the under-dog, whether man or animal. Compassion developed to the extreme, and I grew to cherish truth while hating compromise, gossip, lies, slander and bigotry. I grew immune to rumors and tales and people’s favor or disfavor. Although rejection still hurt, I was no longer fearful.
In short, through the furnace of my childhood and early youth the Lord molded certain characteristics I later would need in His service. They are, to some degree, why some love me and others reject me. But despite the strength developed, the demons of my childhood and the bewildering voices of my blood haunted me until my Redeemer set me free and gave a name to the voices.
My wanderings have come to an end, and so have the days of loneliness, bewilderment, pain and despair. I have returned to our own Land, together with my husband and sons, in due time to be joined also by daughter and grandchildren. I am filled with purpose and a firm assurance of divinely ordained destiny. I know who I am, where I come from and where I am going.
Much remains to be done until the voice of my blood is satisfied, and the house of my fathers restored and repaired; to lift Israel out of depression and to bring her hope and vision; to bring her out of barrenness to overflow in fruitfulness; and for the believing Gentiles to join their proper sheepfold and comfort Israel. So ALL of Israel prepares in unity for the Return of her Messiah-King.
Therefore I shall continue serving G-d as a “sign”, a “herald”, and a “mother” to His people, both Jews and Gentiles of the Commonwealth of Israel, until this “arrow” – formerly hid in His quiver – shall strike its mark.
22 Isaiah 49:2
if you have read to this page, you probably did it for either one of the following three reasons:
1) You have a similar story, therefore can identify with mine, and share my love and devotion to Yeshua, with an eternally thankful heart.
2) You found the story interesting, as one is interested in the life stories of other people, and wanted to know the outcome.
3) My story struck a cord in your heart, because you too, are a seeker. My story is “speaking” to you, you don’t know why. This, my dear friend, is not I speaking to you, but the Lord Yeshua, knocking at the door of your heart, to let Him come in.
People may have lied to you and told you that “religion is opium for the masses” (a threshed out saying by atheists, who regard themselves as being above the “need” for G-d), and that Yeshua was just another one of the many religious fanatics. That He was a “good” man who believed himself to be a son of G-d, and the Savior of the world but, alas, he was deceived like all the others. He merely created another religion.
I hope, my friend, that my testimony is convincing proof to you that Yeshua of Nazareth was not a deceived impostor and religious fanatic, but exactly Who He claimed to be: the Messiah of Israel, Son of G-d and Son of Adam, the Savior of Israel and the world. And of every person, regardless of race and nationality, that would come to Him with a repentant and broken heart, asking G-d for forgiveness and for Yeshua to become his/her Savior and Lord.
Believe me, my friend, when I say that you have not come to this page by accident, but that a loving and most caring Creator brought you here, that you might find your way back to Him and be restored to loving, intimate fellowship with Him. If this is indeed what you have been seeking after, whether conscioulsy or not, and you are tired of, fed up and disillusioned with the life you have been living, even if you attended church, synagogue, mosque or temple regularly, then pray this simple prayer, with all your heart, mind and soul:
“Yeshua, Lord, I believe that you are Who you claim to be, and that you are the Savior of the world, and my Savior. I deeply repent of all of my sins, of the life I have been living away from G-d, and I ask you to please forgive me all my sins, and come into my heart. Please, from this moment forward, be my Savior and my Lord, the Lord of my life. I surrender all to you. And in your Name I ask the Almighty G-d, your Father and now also mine, to please forgive me all my sins, and make me a new creation, with my old life passed away and gone.”
“Thank you, Lord Yeshua, for becoming my Savior, and thank you, heavenly Father, for giving me a new and eternal life in Yeshua, your Son. Amen and Amen.”
This simple prayer has brought you into transformation, into a new life so fulfilling and meaningful as you always longed for. Get yourself a good Bible, and with the help of the teachings of this Web site, begin your first steps as a born-again child of G-d. Read the pages of “My Stand” and study the Scriptures given there. Then go to “The Unchangeable Calendar of G-d” and do the same. Read the “Three Visions” and fully understand the manner and way of your salvation.
Ask the Lord to lead you to a Spirit filled congreagation, which walks in Yeshua’s commandment to love one another as He loved us, and ask for the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Abide there as long as the Lord will have you go there, and learn, increase and mature in the knowledge, love, faith and hope of our Lord and Savior and His and our Father, the Holy One of Israel, the G-d of all the earth, the Only Living G-d.
P.S. If the name “Yeshua” is still too strange for you, then pray to Him in your own language. For example: the name “Jack” in the English language is “Hans” in the German language, and “Jaques” in French, and is a derivative of the English “John”, which in German is “Johannes”; all of these are transliterations of the Hebrew name, “Yochanan,” translated as “Jonathan” Hence, whether you pray “Yeshua” or “Jesus”, the name means the same, and addresses the same Person. But because so many terrible crimes have been perpetrated in the name “Jesus”, we Jewish believers prefer not to use this name. It still carries for us the stain of much innocent blood. His Name was given as “Yeshua”, and that’s the Name by which we call upon Him.